Today I endeavored to do a labyrinth meditation at my favorite natural wonder in San Francisco, Land’s End. So I got on my motor scooter Chococat and headed to Ocean Beach. At least that was my intention.
But what I discovered was… the labyrinth is gone! I assume vandals had removed the stones that formed the labyrinth for whatever dumb ass reason vandals vandal.
This is what the spot looked like a few years ago when I was there.
So what now? I guess I needed to create a space that isn’t there.
There isn’t much to work with — dirt, rocks, some scrubby brush. It’s very windy, distractingly so. But the sun is bright and feels good on my face.
So I create my own labyrinth, in my head. I imagine a large circle and start to walk its perimeter. Around this little collection of rocks, along this faint line, orbiting an imagined center. I try to walk as slowly as I can, to not rush, to experience each footfall. The wind makes me unsteady on my feet, so I go even slower, more carefully.
I lazily spiral toward the center, holding the image of the labyrinth in my mind’s eye. My breathing slows.
I eventually get to what I think of as the center, and I stand there for a few moments, taking in the surroundings. I see the ocean, the distant land, the trees, the blue sky, the clouds. The Golden Gate Bridge beckons in the distance. It’s all so very beautiful.
I think about how my life has been about trying to find my center, my purpose, my calling. Who I was meant to be, the work I was meant to do. I’ve moved in the world in directions that didn’t seem particularly strategic or considered, just following my gut and what was in front of me. I hit some dead ends and had to turn back (social work, international law, tap dance). But I also went down many unexpected and delightful paths (teaching, waacking, rhythm skating).
I feel like every year, every day, I have been moving closer and closer to my heart’s true purpose, my true calling, the place that God calls me to be. I feel more truly “me” than I have ever felt, at 56 years young. And despite everything else going on in my life and in the world, I celebrate this.
And then I start to move away from the center, in the opposite direction. I don’t try to recreate the path I took before, because I don’t remember it. I just slowly step in wider and wider circles, until I’m about where I started.
Today I feel more comfortable forming bonds with other people, being engaged with the world. I feel less alone, less alien.
I spread my arms and embrace the world as I exit the labyrinth.
Great Spirit, help me to walk into the space that is laid before me, to be fully present, and ready to share what I have.
